Going through life's ups and downs one eventually in today's times resorts to self help books. Prior to this one I read The Secret. The main point of The Secret over its entire run was to think positive and to think of only good outcomes and to manifest it to yourself. Letting the power of the universe serve you. Go Suck a Lemon isn't much different. Repeating one ideal over and over again till it embeds itself into your natural thinking and instincts seems to be a pattern that works pretty effectively. However while The Secret comprehensively bombards you with examples from all walks of life and all accounts of individuals from various backgrounds who are all in their own right successful, Go Suck a Lemon is a much more personal account of Dr. Micharl Cornwall. So much so it also includes a whole chapter deticated to his down syndrome sister who taught him a good few lessons on emotional intelligence.
The mantra repeated in this book is of taking ownership of our emotions and feels. To prevent making decisions, acting out irrationally or being plunged into depression by how we are perceived by others. It first reiterates on how giving others to power to influence how you feel at any given moment is ridiculous. Recounting numerous accounts from his patients about different emotions and situations we encounter depending on how people behave with us or treat us. It reinforces the idea to be comfortable in our skin and to hold responsibility of our emotions regardless of whether the other person is right or wrong in their stance. If someone misbehaves move on, if someone isn't treating you right, move on. Learn what you must or infer what you want from that encounter and move on. Holding grudges or being disappointed in anyone is never going to solve it nor make us feel any better about it. That was the first step: to eradicate any unnecessary empty conclusions we make of ourselves from random dialogues or attacks.
Then Dr. Michael tries to show us ways we can help ourselves. One common phrase which is said at the end of each chapter is "It will require the force of will to do that". He addresses that all of our emotional stance and reactions and scripts come from our experiences and childhood growth environments. The beauty here lies in how much faith he holds in the reader, that anything is possible with enough dedication and practice. He brings up many strategies, mainly A+iB=C/D>E which basically translates to an Activity or event combined with Irrational Belief (thought process) would result in some emotional Consequences. And those emotional Consequences when Disputed can lead to improved Emotional Intelligence. The disputations holding the key as to what we learn from our interactions when we take the time to introspect upon them.
He also remembers Mano Po, a way to treat elders with respect which in my religion is equivalent to salaam. The point being that Mano Po allows us to express a sense of respect to all those whom we owe while simultaneously making aware the other person of a generational level of wisdom of age embedded in them. Showing and addresses that respect depicted a kind of social emotional intelligence that put him in awe. Similarly, it is to take care of others as well using the gained emotional intelligence. He addresses that not all people will be able to take all perceptions, commands, orders in stride the way an emotionally intelligent person would and hence it is our duty to recite to them to avoid further conflict phrases like "Yes, I am sorry my actions hurt you" or "I apologise for how I made you feel" regardless of whose fault it is. The point being that an emotionally intelligent person wouldn't involve themselves in conflict where the blame game is played like little children nor being an emotionless unapologetic ass. It is always better to settle the situations sometimes, for the betterment of whomever is in question.
Finally he describes the importance of self talk. How self talk influences our thoughts and our actions. How ourselves are the only ones we can rely on to improve our own social emotional intelligence and the more we work to refine it, the better we are for it in the long run. It truly provides a window of opportunity. Whenever you find yourself in a situation of being unhappy or angry or sad or discontent at someone else's behaviours you can always refine your thoughts by removing phrases like 'should, need, must, ought to' and replace them with more flexible intonations assuming that all human beings are fallible and not all can adhere to our understanding and interpretation and view of life as that would be a perfectionist viewpoint and we are well aware that nothing is perfect and expecting anything to be is as much ridiculous.
Hopefully, I have learnt something from this book that I can apply to my real life and bring about better outcomes.
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